Is it just me, or do other people feel stunned and a weird foreign sense of confusion when a generous act of kindness comes your way? Especially bewildering is when this beautiful, most loving deed comes when you’ve been feeling like the majority of the world is against you. I mean, according to the law of attraction, you attract what you feel. What if you were feeling not so great and something wonderful happens, with so much love and support for you?
All these beautifully wrapped and colorful and loud with love gifts were delivered at my doorstep this week (thoughtful gifts, even cash) from friends (In the middle of a pandemic!). I just stood there for I don’t know how long. It was such a beautiful scene! It looked like a party at my door. It was loud with cheer. I almost fainted from the unexpected emotions that surged in me. In the tsunami of joy and disbelief was the thought that friendship was meant for someone else but not for me (I know…I know… I am the founder of BeFriendlyWorld… I am obsessed with bringing people together as friends and creating a friendly world…blab la bla…). I seriously felt shunned by the world and was coming to terms with that when THIS happened.
My heart expanded with joy, with delight, with gratefulness and then contracted with a weird feeling of not deserving. I had a strange feeling like I was robbing my friends somehow. I quickly began to call them, one by one. Our kids were in the background jumping with joy, screaming “Thank You!” to each friend and I tried to express my gratitude, feeling inadequate just saying THANK YOU! When I got off the last call. I sat down and cried. I was overwhelmed.
Its been a few days and I am still crying as I write these words, trying to describe these feelings to you. I kind of get where it began (childhood of course, with parents and a culture that was not the greatest, being told I am not worth it- whatever the great thing is, I don’t deserve it…).
Am I the only one who feels this? I guess now I understand when I showered people with gifts why they acted blankly and weird sometimes. I never really saw this perspective before.
I know that you deserve blessings, all of them! You deserve to be happy and loved! You deserve to have people adore you and tell you how wonderful you are. I know this about YOU. I will try to practice that belief for myself. I am working on it.
Thank you, Kimmy and Jason! Thank you Teresa! Thank you Stephanie! Thank you Nicole! Thank you Julio! Thank you Kelly!